In the last few weeks I have heard too many stories about marriages going kaput. Some were a decade old, some lasted a couple of years and some only made for a couple of months !
It makes me think : has this institution (if indeed it is one) become redundant in the twenty-first century ?
First of all, I wish everyone would focus on the marriage just as much as they do on the 'wedding'. If only one would invest just as much attention in a marriage as much as they do on a wedding, perhaps marriages would last longer and who knows, maybe even thrive in today's times. Perhaps then single people like me wouldn't be writing this blog, wondering aloud about the validity and usefulness of this institution.
Before any of you jump to conclusions and think of me as cynical, let me clarify. Born and raised in India, I grew up with some very strong notions about marriage. You stick with it for the rest of your life. Even though the divorce rate in India is increasing and a lot of young people are choosing to get divorced rather than stick through what comes (and I'm not saying they should or shouldn't) as their parents may suggest, we were raised with the idea that marriage is something you do only once. We were told that it was for keeps -- for richer or poor, in sickness and health, etc, etc.
Even though my parents were very liberal and I have never felt the pressure to marry someone my parents chose for me, I do have friends who haven't been as lucky. And I consider this to be lucky only because I cannot imagine myself being married to someone I don't know at all. I do know of people who have, as they put it, 'embraced their destiny' by adjusting themselves to the situation but I still wonder if this 'embracing' has brought them true happiness.
Coming back to our topic at hand. The reason why I question the validity of this institution, is because when I look at people my age (28-30 yrs) I see in them a lack of clarity in not just why they want to get married, but also an inability to commit to one person completely. Maybe our need for instant gratification has something to do with it? We grew up with the idea of fast food, an instant pick me up (everything from coffee to Red Bull) a give-it-to-me-now attitude, hence the word commitment holds little value for most people my age. If I'm lonely now, I can just seek comfort with the next person who shows me attention and I'll just blame it on loneliness and my partner's inability to give me time...
Case in point: a good friend of mine, let's call her Ms. A. Beautiful, intelligent and affluent, has been married for five years. Her husband, a good looking, ambitious young man travels every month leaving Ms. A behind in her palatial home. So what does Ms A do ? develop a 'healthy' relationship with her equally good looking trainer. Her justification ? "I'm lonely. Its not my fault that my husband travels so much. I need to be with someone." It makes me think. Do we really understand the term, "commitment' ? Do we understand the vow, "being loyal and faithful through everything?" or maybe we just don't believe in it anymore.
And then there are also those who marry for money. "I want to have the status I am used to" or "I want the finer things of life" (without having to work for them). What surprises me is, after a few years, one of them turned to me and said, "I'm so lonely, there's no love in our marriage". But I didn't know you were looking for love, I thought to myself. Reminds me of the saying, "No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs you back".
So I am lead to the theme of today's post, "Is it the end of an institution?" I mean what if I have all the money so don't need financial security or emotional security, would this institution still be necessary for me ? Are these the only two reasons why one enters into holy matrimony? Although through this post I may have pointed out how it isin't quite as 'holy' anymore...
And the question persists....
It makes me think : has this institution (if indeed it is one) become redundant in the twenty-first century ?
First of all, I wish everyone would focus on the marriage just as much as they do on the 'wedding'. If only one would invest just as much attention in a marriage as much as they do on a wedding, perhaps marriages would last longer and who knows, maybe even thrive in today's times. Perhaps then single people like me wouldn't be writing this blog, wondering aloud about the validity and usefulness of this institution.
Before any of you jump to conclusions and think of me as cynical, let me clarify. Born and raised in India, I grew up with some very strong notions about marriage. You stick with it for the rest of your life. Even though the divorce rate in India is increasing and a lot of young people are choosing to get divorced rather than stick through what comes (and I'm not saying they should or shouldn't) as their parents may suggest, we were raised with the idea that marriage is something you do only once. We were told that it was for keeps -- for richer or poor, in sickness and health, etc, etc.
Even though my parents were very liberal and I have never felt the pressure to marry someone my parents chose for me, I do have friends who haven't been as lucky. And I consider this to be lucky only because I cannot imagine myself being married to someone I don't know at all. I do know of people who have, as they put it, 'embraced their destiny' by adjusting themselves to the situation but I still wonder if this 'embracing' has brought them true happiness.
Coming back to our topic at hand. The reason why I question the validity of this institution, is because when I look at people my age (28-30 yrs) I see in them a lack of clarity in not just why they want to get married, but also an inability to commit to one person completely. Maybe our need for instant gratification has something to do with it? We grew up with the idea of fast food, an instant pick me up (everything from coffee to Red Bull) a give-it-to-me-now attitude, hence the word commitment holds little value for most people my age. If I'm lonely now, I can just seek comfort with the next person who shows me attention and I'll just blame it on loneliness and my partner's inability to give me time...
Case in point: a good friend of mine, let's call her Ms. A. Beautiful, intelligent and affluent, has been married for five years. Her husband, a good looking, ambitious young man travels every month leaving Ms. A behind in her palatial home. So what does Ms A do ? develop a 'healthy' relationship with her equally good looking trainer. Her justification ? "I'm lonely. Its not my fault that my husband travels so much. I need to be with someone." It makes me think. Do we really understand the term, "commitment' ? Do we understand the vow, "being loyal and faithful through everything?" or maybe we just don't believe in it anymore.
And then there are also those who marry for money. "I want to have the status I am used to" or "I want the finer things of life" (without having to work for them). What surprises me is, after a few years, one of them turned to me and said, "I'm so lonely, there's no love in our marriage". But I didn't know you were looking for love, I thought to myself. Reminds me of the saying, "No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs you back".
So I am lead to the theme of today's post, "Is it the end of an institution?" I mean what if I have all the money so don't need financial security or emotional security, would this institution still be necessary for me ? Are these the only two reasons why one enters into holy matrimony? Although through this post I may have pointed out how it isin't quite as 'holy' anymore...
And the question persists....
