There are times when you find yourself under water. You have no idea how you got there but you're there. Maybe it was carelessness. Or perhaps an overly optimistic dive into waters you didn't know ran so deep.
As you find yourself struggling for air, fighting for your survival, panic sets in and you start kicking and pushing, using all the strength you have to bring yourself up to the surface, where you know a breath of air awaits. Never before has that breath of air seemed this out of reach and never before has it seemed so vital.
The harder you kick, the more you realize that your Life indeed depends on your pushing through. You could allow yourself to drown or you could use every iota of your now failing strength to push through. "If I do end up drowning, at least it will be while trying to make it" you tell yourself. And you push with all your might. Suddenly what seemed like a losing battle now seems to be a conquerable one. The rise to the surface seems slow, maybe its because you don't have enough strength or maybe the resistance is too much. But you can feel yourself coming up, the surface is now within reach.
That first gasp of air feels like the greatest gift anyone could ever give you. But did someone actually give it to you? Nobody gave it to you. You were the one doing the pushing, the kicking, the believing. the surviving. And you survived. You survived being under water. When everything within you had said it was impossible, that you were in too deep, you somehow found the strength to believe, to push through.
"One more time. Let me try a little harder this time", you said to yourself. And it was that one last push that brought you up. Up to that gasp of air that awaited you. Almost as though it was meant for you and no one else. Almost as though it had always been there. And when you found it, you discovered there was more, that there would always be enough. All you had to do was push to the surface. If you found a way to push to the surface, you'd know there was no need to gasp anymore. No need to believe that being under water was forever. being under water was the end. It wasn't.
As you start to take Life in, you realize that you aren't under water anymore. You're just in it. That's one step forward -- not under, just in it. Suddenly you ask yourself "How do I survive this? How do I get out?" Not realizing that the greatest gift that could ever be received has already been received by you --the gift of Life. A minute ago you were under water, now you're just in it. The gift of Life was given. But did you receive it? You're so wrapped up in yet another reason to worry about your survival that you forget to be grateful for the gift of Life --the gift that you were praying for a minute ago when you were under water. How quickly you forget!
Survival it seems is always at risk. And always on our mind. At first, you wanted to reach the surface, now you want to get out of the water. And so the kicking and pushing continues. But the resistance seems too much. Your will seems too small., the battle seems too big. The water that you find yourself in, stretches beyond the horizon. The kicking and pushing that helped you get to the surface, now seem inadequate to get you ashore. Doubt and hopelessness creep in, closely followed by frustration. And once again, you ask yourself, "Will I ever survive this? How far could I go even if I tried?" And you give up. You prepare to embrace your fate, unable to push any further. Your limbs hurt, tears burn your cheeks and the pain of dejection threatens to overwhelm you before the water can. You stop kicking, You just let go.
And you discover its been a while since your last kick, your last push. And you discover that neither the water nor the dejection have overwhelmed you. You find yourself afloat. Giving up the kicking and the pushing enabled you to float. The environment that seemed overwhelming, the elements that supposedly provided the resistance are now carrying you, only because you let go and allowed yourself to float. No kicking, no pushing, just floating. Nobody taught you that, but something within you knew. And you realize its a far better way to be. Just letting go of the resisting and floating. And as you float, you find yourself noticing all that you took for granted. You find the sky is beautiful to look at. You notice that its a richer blue than you had imagined. You learn that it looks over you even when you're not looking at it. That it remains committed even when you're not committed to it. You find that possesses a softness that only a mother's embrace possesses. And you feel comforted. You feel held. You're not alone, you only thought you were.
You learn to observe and you discover that when you close your eyes its night and when you open your eyes its day. You realize the importance of listening. Listening to everything that being in the moment has to share with you. An infinte number of things can be revealed to you right now, if only you let go and listen. If you decide to just float and watch.
