I was inspired to write this post after seeing this touching picture of a son serving his mother in her final days by taking her on a pilgrimage. The man in the photograph has been identified as Kailash, and is a resident of Madhya Pradesh, India. When this picture was taken he was on his way to Badrinath (yes on foot!) so that his old mother could fulfill her desire of making the holy pilgrimage before her death.
I am amazed that even in today's times, where people don't have time for anything but themselves, there still exist people like Kailash, who have put everything aside (even their own comfort) to serve their parents in their last days. Kailash is already being called a modern day Shravan Kumar and I would easily agree with this comparison.
Growing up in a typical Hindu household, our growing years were filled with stories and myths that contained lessons in how to follow your dharma and make performing your duties your highest responsibility. Looking after and serving your parents was high up in the order of duties and Shravan Kumar's story inspired me so much that it made it all the more easier, at least for me.
Shravan Kumar was known to be a dutiful son who considered serving his parents his most important responsibility. Both his parents were blind and when they expressed a desire to perform a pilgrimage before they left their body, Shravan Kumar took it upon himself to realize their last desire. Since in those times travelling was arduous and there was no way his blind parents could make it on foot, he created two baskets, that hung from a sling which was supported on his shoulder. He carried both his parents from shrine to shrine with such devotion that he attracted the admiring gaze of many during that time. One night as the three of them were taking their evening rest, Shravan Kumar's parents asked him to fetch some water to drink. Shravan Kumar walked to a nearby pond to obtain a water and that is when tragedy struck. Dashrath (popularly known as the father of Lord Rama), the King who ruled during that time was hunting in the same area and was waiting by the pond for the next animal to come by. Since it was dark Dashrath mistook the sound of water being collected to be that of a thirsty animal having its fill, and fired an arrow in the direction. After a moment's silence he heard the cry of a young man and rushed to the spot to find the arrow pierced through Shravan Kumar's heart. Filled with guilt, the King fell at Shravan Kumar's feet begging for forgiveness. Knowing that his last moment was near, Shravan Kumar requested the king to take the pot of water he had filled for his thirsty parents to them and died. The King found Shravan Kumar's parents nearby and related the events as they had transpired. Having lost their only son and filled with grief, Shravan Kumar's parents cursed the King, saying that he too would suffer the same fate: he too would die of grief after losing his son. This came true much later after Lord Rama was exiled into the forest, and unable to bear the pain of being apart from his most beloved son, King Dashrath died overcome by both grief and guilt.
Each time I hear Shravan Kumar's story I am filled with admiration for him. His desire to serve his parents and honour their last wish, touches me so much that I wonder if one can really inculcate such devotion, not just towards one's parents but also towards performing one's duties.
As I look around me I see children not just ill-treating their parents but also conveniently leaving them in old age homes to spend the last few years of their life in isolation and loneliness. It saddens me to visit an old age home and I often ask myself what makes this justifiable? Our parents spend every waking moment of their lives thinking about our welfare and we cannot even bring ourselves to spend time with them when they need us the most ? From the time a child is born, parents are only consumed by feeding time, bathing time, time to change, time to put the baby to sleep. And all of this happens at the cost of their own sleep, their own comfort. Why ? Because the baby has priority over everything else. When the infant grows into a young child, the same parents are consumed by a new set of responsibilities: wake the child up, give them a bath, get them dressed for school, feed them their breakfast, drive them to school, pick them up from school, feed them lunch, put them to sleep, take them to the park, bring them back, do homework, feed them dinner and put them to bed. Only after this do they find an hour or so for themselves. Perhaps this is why our scriptures say that parenting (when done with love and devotion) becomes a spiritual exercise. It becomes a way to lose the sense of me and myself. A parent performs the ultimate sacrifice of dissolving himself/herself and keep the attention on the child, serving it constantly until it becomes able to fend for itself. And I'm not even talking about the financial sacrifices that they have to make to give the child the very best. That in my eyes, is the least important when compared to the emotional and mental involvement that a parent has to make to take care of a child. By the time the child is able to support himself the parents become weary with age and realize their whole life has gone by in serving the child. Hopeful, that the same child they nurtured and gave everything to, would now take care of them, allowing them to feel cared for and nurtured, they look towards the child only to be told that the child is 'too busy' with his life and has no time to call or visit. When the parent falls ill and as the end approaches, the child realizes that 'caring for' someone who can't fend for themselves would take too much investment in terms of time and energy and decides to place them in a home that cares for old people, not realizing that at such a time, the parents need their children near them and not some stranger for whom he/she is just another patient. Why don't we for a moment stop to think what would have happened to us if our parents had placed us in such a home that cares for babies and children, because they didn't want to invest their time and energy in bringing us up? How would we really feel at being 'abandoned', unable to relate to our environment? I'm sure we would be quick to call such a parent (and they do exist) self-centered, but what do we call ourselves when we do the same to them ?
It is said that the child's first Guru is his mother and I believe this because I see such inspiring ones around me. Sleep-deprived, food-deprived, they rally on. Making their child their only priority. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain that a mother goes through when the child leaves her to live alone in her old age, because they consider her 'too difficult to live with' or because 'they need their own space'. Have we all really become so selfish that we can't look beyond ourselves?
Its time for us to really put emphasis on the roles that we came into this world to play: as a human being, as a child, as a partner and as a parent. Performing our duties and playing our roles to the best of our ability is the highest dharma. And its only when we play our roles lovingly and with complete devotion that we can liberate ourselves. Indulging ourselves and losing ourselves will certainly not liberate us. For proof, look at the world around you.
We keep claiming that we are an evolved species but our actions don't come close to even defining the word 'evolution'. We keep saying that we've come a long way from our ancestors who lived in caves, but yet we continue to live like animals: chasing gratification of the senses -- living to eat, sleep and procreate. Its easy to indulge and get lost in your own desires and whims, and most of us are guilty of this, but we need to stop and ask ourselves if this is the reason why we were created. Were we really meant to live a self-absorbed life where we don't have time for anything but ourselves? Have we become so selfish that we cannot even for a moment think about our responsibilities towards those that brought us into the world? And I don't even mean providing for them financially, that is the easiest thing to do -- send them some money and my duty is done. Remember, we are thinking and feeling beings. We all need love and nurturing, irrespective of age. And it is this love and nurturing that puts a song in our hearts, that makes us bloom, even in our twilight years. More often than not, it is the human touch that heals and not the money. And today, we've learnt to give with the hand and forgotten to give from the heart.
So please, use this post as a reminder to evaluate where you are in your life. Can you look beyond yourself just for today? Can you selflessly perform your duties to your loved ones today? Can you reach out to them and give with your heart totally and completely today ? Today is more important than any other day because today may be the only day they have. Today may be the only day you have.
